Log in

No account? Create an account

The First Day

Oct. 7th, 2008 | 08:30 am
location: home
mood: excitedexcited
music: news in the background

Well, I joined Jenny Craig last night cause I am tired of being over-weight. I am tired, and heavy and unahppy. Also, I have figured out what I want to do with my life and I need to change. I want a better quality of life and I am determined. I want this very much and I will do what I need to achieve it.

I just had my first meal on Jenny Craig. It was french toast with mixed berries with lite syrup. It was yummy!

Admittedly, with the cost of membership and all the meals, it is quite an expensive way to do weight-loss, but the thinking is done for you. Counting points, to me, just sounds like it would be frustrating. Or it can be. One can easily get confused if they are stressed out or pissed off, on any program. But, I wanted this program cause you get a personal consultant to keep you motivated. Self motivation works for a while, but once in a while I might need a pick-me-up. I feel and I know I have made the right decision.

Let's start with a diary of where I am at right now. Last night I weighed in at (brace yourselves): 233.2 pounds. Now, do I look that? A little bit. But, I think I hide part of it cause it is packed down and I my tissues are dense. Or I could be fooling myself. I haven't decided. I will let you know.

My goal is to lose 53.2 pounds. That is a realisitic goal to reach. To be super-skinny is unreasonable. If I want to extend that an extra 10 pounds later on, I may just do that.

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds.
Francis Bacon

Link | Leave a comment |

Things Are Closer Than They Appear

Jul. 28th, 2008 | 07:23 pm
location: home
music: August Rush soundtrack

Okay, I know I have not blogged in a while. I always tend to begin this way, don't I? I have been procrastinating and I am lazy. It's true. I have been fretting over things like my eventual return to work and living without money in the interim. It has been tough. Like having to last 10 days with only $30 between us and having to break down and dip into the savings. I hate doing that, but if the other choice, is not to buy enough groceries to get by, then I want to eat. Even though eating these days is causing me more pain than anything. I don't even know anymore what food triggers my gallstone attacks. I am just counting down the days till I can do my gallbladder cleanse (which will be 3 days of NOT fun!). With Lee being so busy these days, his time is limited too. Poor guy needs a break.

Today was the first appointment in almost 3 months with Dr. Dulai regarding Lyla's hips and her eventual surgery. Well, things just came to a head. Surgery is right around the corner. We got the consent form signed today and once I get the forms from her pediatrician signed and faxed over, surgery WILL happen. Either in September or October. It is becoming a reality now. I am excited and scared at the same time. I can't explain either one, really. Just the basic emotions are I have stated. My heart is filled with the rush of the impending time of her correction. And I feel fear. How will she feel? on the operating table? Without me there to comfort her? How will she feel when she wakes up? She will be in an almost full body cast. She hates being restrained. (Just like any child.) How misereable will she be? She is so happy now....

And after the surgery, how will she be? How will she feel? Will I be able to console her? How will we deal with the casting? And then the super-irrational part of me thought that what if she doesn't wake up from the surgery. What if she is so happy now and then she will just be gone. Then I think, because I have thought of it, it won't come true. Then I relax a little. But there is still lots that can go wrong with the surgery. Lyla is in relative good health so, her chances of anything going wrong, are slim. But I have never worried this much about anyone before. It feels strange. I think I am going to cry.

So I have quite a bit on my mind right now. I need a distraction. Who can give me one?

Link | Leave a comment |

The 5th Cylon is...in my opinion

May. 18th, 2008 | 12:49 pm
location: home
mood: enthralled
music: Thomas on the TV

Tom Zarek.

And here's how I got there.

At the end of last season, when the final 4 cylons were activated, where was the 5th? Here are my 2 theories.

1) All 5 were activated at this point. And a good reason as to why the 5th did not meet with them is cause the 5th was not aboard the Galactica. Therefore, the 5th cylon may not have had a full-out revelation that the other 4 did. It may not even know he is a cylon. Or if he does. He is alone and does not know what to do about it. Just like the other 4.

2) Or the 5th cylon activated the other 4.

I think this thwory is unlikely, and here's why. If the 5th cylon activated them, then why? Why did it activate them now? For what purpose does that serve? All I can see is the 4 newly activated cylons struggling with identity and where they fit in. If the 5th cylon activated them, it would make more sense that the 5th cylon would've stepped out of the shadows and handed out his agenda and set a plan in motion. That would mean the 5th cylon knew they were a cylon from the beginning and have been orchestrating some elaborate plan, getting into a speific role and hatching a set of events to play out.

That could be. What has the opening sequence told us up till this season?

"The cylons were created by man
They evolved
They rebelled
There are many copies
And they have a plan"

Now we've always assumed that was referring to the original 7. What if the plan has always been part of the final 5's agenda? Therefore 1 cylon was left with the knowledge and has a set a course of events in motion.

Also, there is a cryptic message of the hybrid from Razor (And I believe it was said in the series earlier, I just can't recall when.)

"This has happened before, and will happen again"

Now that I am writing this, either theory is possible. If the 2nd theory is possible, then that might change who the 5th cylon is. If that is the case. The payoff still needs to be someone no later than season 3 (at around Tori's introduction). It would be awful if the new cylon was someone just newly introduced. I don't think it would have as a great an impact with the fans.

Ronald D Moore has confirmed that non of the core cast (aside from the 6 and 8) are cylons.

So that rules out:

Admiral Adama
Lee Adama
President Roslin
Gias Baltar

So that leaves, just about every other character, fair game. There are various reason why the 5th cylon is not a part of Galactica's crew. One big reason, why didn't the 5th cylon come to the meeting point when they are were activated? Yeah. Anyways.

We can around in circles debating this. I stick by my choice. If anyone has a different theory, feel free to share.

Link | Leave a comment {2} |

What a Plus!

May. 14th, 2008 | 07:46 pm
location: livingroom
mood: happyhappy
music: Thomas TV show

Well, I am glad Whitney won ANTM. A plus size model is sure a better inspiration that the traditional model look. Good for Whitney! I think her personality is awesome and she has overcome so much to get where she is. And she walked in a Versace show. Those dresses were beautiful and ethereal. I wish they made them in my size.

Link | Leave a comment |


May. 7th, 2008 | 08:27 pm
location: livingroom
mood: geeky
music: Sally's Song - Fiona Apple

I a starting to feel less crappy about my daughters head deformity. It was caught early. I know it is correctable. Lee keeps reminding me that I am not to blame. That it can be dealt with. You can't fix what has already happened, but there is enough time to make both sides equal and so the sides are somewhat equal in shape. Now, I am making every effort to favour her right side. The only time I have no control over her position is when we are both sleeping. If she turns, I have no control over it. I hope that does not counteract anything I am doing. Ah hell!

I had a BSG dream last night. The final cylon (in my dream) was....Admiral Cain. Which is impossible cause she is dead. Also, the final cylon was....Seelix. 2 final cylons. Weird, I know. I really don't think it is either of them. Who? Who? Who could it be? I'll think about that more deeply another time. Cause right now, I have no fuckin' clue.

Okay, Lyla is freaking out. She is really upset. Must go.
Tags: ,

Link | Leave a comment |

My Daughter's Deformed Head

May. 6th, 2008 | 02:44 pm
location: livingroom
mood: melancholymelancholy
music: Friday Night - Craig David

Okay, today was the first visit to the U of A in a month. And Leesa noticed that Lyla's left check sags a bit. She studied her head for a bit. Then she asked if Lyla favoured one side over the either. I said she did. Then Leesa pointed out the flabs of neck skin and how the rolls were thicker on the right than the left. The moisture from the heat can cause cracking and bleeding in the skin. Lee and I acknowledge that we have noticed this. Finally, the forhead on the left is protruding farther than the left side. She is getting a flat head. Leesa did a few neck excercises to see if her neck muscles were tight on the right side, hence the very little moving towards the right. Well, Lyla did not like that one bit. She screamed durring the entire excercise.

I bet the muscles on the right side of her neck are very tight. Now, Lee and I have the new challenge of making sure every exciting thing Lyla sees and does is on her right. Simple enough.

I just feel bad that I did not notice this until now. I knew she favoured one side, but I didn't KNOW. Is that weird? I just didn't think to keep rotating her head like Brandon's. We never had this problem with Brandon. So, I have never had to worry or try to prevent it. I just didn't think of it. Now, my daughter will have a slightly protruding forhead. I hope this doesn't affect her too terribly much.

We will be going back to the U of A in 2 weeks to consult with Leesa and physio therpist on some stretches to help with her neck.

More and more we are discovering more things wrong with Lyla. Are we going to be discovering things forever? How could I miss it? I am her mother? I see her everyday. Maybe I am not paying enough attention to her. I am a terrible mother. I let this happen to her. She has so much adversity and I should be there for her more. I should've seen it. I should've done more.

I must go and read Brandon a story. At least I can do one thing right.

Link | Leave a comment {3} |

I am Ready to Sceam, Myself

May. 5th, 2008 | 07:18 pm
location: Basement
mood: anxiousanxious
music: Do It Well (Moto Blanco Remix) - Jennifer Lopez

Okay, I know being 2 is rough, but seriously...come on. The amount of tantrums Brandon pulls is just ready to make me scream myself. Of course if I do that, both my children would surely freak out. *sigh* What can you do?

Thankfully, Lee is home with me tomorrow. That gives me a little reprieve. A little. There are errands to run. After all, it is 10% Tuesday.

Tomorrow is my 1 month follow-up with the U of A for Lyla. She is doing so well. She can lift her legs up 90 degrees. Sometimes, I put her in her crib and wind up her pink bears and she watches them and kicks her legs with excitement. It is lovely to watch.

So, on next week on BSG, they show in BIG BOLD TYPE "ALL WILL BE REVEALED" Seriously? This soon? Hey I'm all for the plot moving forward. I am excited and frightened at the same time. It's kinda cool. Not like Doctor Who. I am just excited. Only frightened if they actually regenerate the Doctor into a woman. Now that would be bad. It would change the whole dynamic of the show. If that's the case, then a timelord would just be sexless if they can regenerate and change gender like that.

If they did make Doctor Who a woman, they would have to get someone with the charisma of Emma Thompson or Cate Blanchet to play the role. Of course, like they could get either one. But you need a seasoned female that has proven her acting chops and you know could really pull it off. I almost feel like I am being a litte anti-feminist. But the role is a male part. Any female would have to prove themself playing that part.

My anxiety is increasing, the closer I get to my work return date. I have no idea if I will be returning to my current employer or if I will look for a new job. I have not been to an interview since 2004 and I am much fatter than I was then. In the time since then I have had 2 children and have been career focused and then stopped being career focused. Now, my big concern is: Will having dropped the CGA program hurt my chances of gaining employment at a good and decent job? It doesn't have to be a full-fledged accounting type job, I still want some aspects of accounting in what I do. I like parts of it. Maybe I will even enjoy it again, one day. Who knows? Maybe I just need the right place to be and the right position. That has yet to be.

Link | Leave a comment {1} |

The Demands of Screaming Children and Aging Parents

May. 4th, 2008 | 07:54 am
location: Home
mood: exhaustedexhausted
music: Hello, I'm in Delaware - City & Colour

I have had the most tiring last couple of days.

Let's start with Friday. Lee is working Friday night. Fine. I can deal. Working is a fact of life. So, Brandon deicdes not to have a nap in the afternoon. Fine. He can go to bed early. So, I give him an early supper. He eats it well. Shortly, after he starts rubbing his eyes. 'Oh no, you don't. Not before I give you a bath.' So, I give him a bath. It's around 6pm and it is time for video. So, to prolong things a bit, I give him the long video. "Thomas and the Magic Railroad" staring Alec Baldwin and Peter Fonda - who both give us various degrees of bad acting. Oh Joy.

Afterwards, I tell Brandon it is bed time. Oh my God, the fit that ensues. Brandon just screams and refuses to go to his room. I struggle to get him into his room. Lyla is awake and cause of the screaming, she feels she must start screaming. (Also, she has decided to cluster feed tonight. Double Joy.) I have to constantly keeping boobing Lyla and Brandon is refusing to go into his bed and lie down. By now, Lyla is not feeding. Brandon's screaming is upseting her too much. She is screaming. (Fuck! I can't stand screaming children!)

I have to leave Brandon in his room, screaming, a few times to get him to co-operate with me. (I hate doing it. But it works.) Finally, Brandon goes into bed sniffling. I sit with him and rub his back (while holding Lyla)and he settles down and goes to sleep.

Mind you, that is the short version. The long version is a longer passage of time and much more screaming.

Now to Saturday. My dad calls me in the morning for a favor. He needs me to take him to 'The Medicine Shop'. (It's really this stupid story about how mom brought in the wrong pills, to get new pills and the pharmacist had to keep them and destory them...I got that part. Don't really understand why mom brought the pills in the first place...stop now. My head hurts.)

Anyways, I have to pack up the kids and take them over to me parents house, so my mom can passify them with a video while I am gone. (I am not confortable taking the two of them together. The big reason being my back injury. Having thrown my back/hips out where I needed a narcotic to start walking frightens me, that I might do it again.) So, I wear the back brace my dad-in-law lent me. Fine. It helps. I will wear that Friday when I go to Izzy's party.

I bring the kids by around lunch time. My mom fixed Brandon and I something to eat. Oh good. Afterwards, I set up Thomas on the DVD player and I take dad to the Medicine Shop.

Oh My God! Dad could not stop being a backseat driver. He wasn't attacking my technique. Oh no. He was telling me where to go, constantly. "Take this street here. Turn this way. Turn in this drive way. Park over here. Go out this way, it is quicker. Change into the other lane." Man, was it annoying. You know, I don't know which was more annoying. Dad being a backseat driver or telling him (which I did) and kept doing it anyway.

When I got home around 1:30pm, Brandon had a nap till almost 6pm. Which meant it took forver to get him down to sleep last night. And on top of that, Brandon decided to get up early today. Around 5am-ish. Joy.

Link | Leave a comment |

My Journal

Oct. 13th, 2006 | 04:41 am

Come visit me at:




Link | Leave a comment {2} |